This site is a testament to not only my life but to the insanity of society. Dive into Psycho Carnival and you'll find tragicomic personal stories, wild yet honest rants, a little depravity, videos and a buttload of other goodies.

This site also contains adult like humor and ideas that could make you think. Consider yourself warned!

Wednesday, January 30, 2008

With All The Compassion Of A Bush

So how do you feel about Dictator Bush's band-aid for the economy? Face it, folks. We are already in the middle of a recession. Denial is a major symptom of mental illness. And we, as a nation, should be thrown in the Looney Bin.

This plan he concocted is a matter of too little-too late. And by little, look at what this rebate of his entails:

The minimum rebate check would be $300 and range up to a maximum of $1,800. The rebate is a refund of the taxes from eliminating the 10% tax bracket. The dollar amounts are determined by an individual's earned income and family size. Unmarried individuals would receive a rebate of up to $600, and married couples a rebate of up to $1,200. Plus, there will be a $300 rebate per child, up to a max of two children.

Sorry, but that's not going to cut it. With the amount of unemployment on the rise, poor store sales and the continued substantial losses in the stock market every day, this idea and this small amount money is insulting.

And remember.... it's not the government's money. It's really your money that they're giving back to you.

Destroy The World? That Would Be Insane.

Last night, in my area, we had a forty degree temperature drop. During this drop and following the drop we also experienced heavy rain, lightning, 50 mph winds and some light snow. Not too far from here, a couple towns got the hell knocked out of them with two tornadoes.

On the tv news, they interviewed a guy who pulled up to a gas station. A few minutes passed as he went in to pay and the entire BP sign, steel pole and all, came crashing down on his brand new truck, due to the extreme winds. He's quite fortunate to be alive.

Yes, I do think the weather has become more chaotic from the effects of global warming. Especially in the last 10 to 15 years. I know the weather wasn't this screwed up when I was kid. Around the world, which is sadly populated by greedy corporate asswipes who don't give a f***, the data shows an increase in the severity of droughts, storms, rainfall and floods.

Let's talk about droughts. Drought conditions in 2005 contributed to a season of wildfires that burned up 8.5 million acres. There was extreme drought that year in southern Africa and the Greater Horn of Africa that killed hundreds, if not thousands of people. How about the 24 hour rainfalls in western India that gave Mumbai a whopping 37.1 inches?

The worst heat wave for the U.S, in Chicago, in 1995, killed more than 730 people. That doesn't compare to the serial killer wave in Europe, though. In August of 2003, 35,000 lives were snuffed out due to the extreme heat.

The earth has warmed by 1.8 degrees Fahrenheit in the past century. Most scientists agree that carbon dioxide and other gases that accumulate in the atmosphere as byproducts of fossil fuel burned by automobile engines, power plants and industry accounted for part of the temperature increase. The warming has melted glaciers, heated oceans and shrunk the Arctic ice cap. Guess what? No more ice caps means all the coastal cities will be flooded and then some.

Unfortunately, the U.S. of A has done a poor job in attempting to make our world more habitable. Instead of reducing the amount of chemicals pumped into the air we all breathe, our country is number one in contributing to the Greenhouse Effect. The U.S. is responsible for about a quarter of the emissions that have been blamed for global warming. America, along with Australia, were the only countries, out of 141 other countries, not to sign on with the 2005 Kyoto Protocol, which is all about measuring and reducing the emissions that are blamed for global warming.

Crazy, extreme weather produced by a crazy, suicidal society.

There are very few industries in this country willing to cut down on the crap they send into our atmosphere. It should make you mad enough to boycott the money addicted companies who are responsible. It should anger you to the point of writing your congressmen and women to force the government to sign up with the other countries of the world to do something about it.

Some say that time has already ran out for all of us to do something about it. I don't know. I believe, at the very least, we should become educated on the subject. If memory serves, and often it doesn't (heh heh), we still haven't built a vehicle able to take us off this rock and transport us to another habitable planet. And where do we find this "habitable" planet?

Click on this link for the myths and facts of global warming.

It's our only world. It would be insane to destroy it. Can I get an amen on this?

Sunday, January 27, 2008


There was talk on the news this morning about the high levels of mercury found in tuna, as of late. It was being blamed on power plants and a couple of other sources. I say you can find a lot of undesirable things in your food without looking that hard. Let me elaborate.

When I was a kid, my parents took my sister and I to one of those all-you-can-eat-buffets. I recall being shocked at the behaviour of most of the patrons. Some of them would pick the food straight out of the pans (like chicken legs) and start eating it without going back to the table. I thought, God, how hungry do you have to be that you can't wait until you get back to your table to eat? Almost every food pan that you came across, you'd discover the serving tongs to be completely submerged in the food. Handle and all. I was disgusted by that. But worse than that, would be looking over at the ice cream dispenser and seeing kid after kid stepping up to it and sucking ice cream directly from the yellow-ish, saliva covered dispenser nozzle.

They reminded me of skuzzy little calves sucking mightily from their cow mother's crusty teats.

At the Golden Corral, you routinely see people dropping the handles of tongs in food pans. Plus, they'll use one big spoon from the gravy pan to dip into the spaghetti sauce. Many customers come in wearing sweatpants or pajamas and slippers in the middle of the day to show they don't care how they appear. I guess that kind of attire proves useful when you're gorging on your fifth plate and don't desire the exercise of having to adjust your belt.

My friend, Gerk, told me how he went to Frisch's for the breakfast buffet and saw this rather rotund woman scooping up heaps of sausage links on her plate. He said it had been her fourth or fifth trip up to the bar for her sausage gathering that morning. Anyway, the portly woman turned around, wagging her metal sausage picking tong and commenced to jabber with the friend next to her in line. Suddenly, she accidentally jammed the metal tong into the light fixture above the bar. Immediately, she was electrocuted and she flipped the plate of sausage links into the air. Everyone stood back, unsure exactly what had just transpired. The electrified woman yelled, "Whoop! Whoop! Whoop!" before someone could ask if she was alright. After she hit the floor, other customers could, at last, grab a few links for themselves. And yes, for those of you who care, she eventually made it to her feet. Fully recuperated, she went back for more sausage, later.

My cousin, a host/manager of a casino boat buffet, had an unexpected surprise one evening when he began receiving complaints from other customers. It seems they were having difficulty eating their food. A large family at a certain table were causing trouble. He went back to the room in the corner of the dining area to visit the ill-behaved customers. His jaw dropped the moment he saw them. Father, mother, sisters and brothers were all cheerfully gorging on their taters n' gravy and whatnot while allowing half of their pre-chewed food to fall out onto themselves, their plates and the table. My cousin finally asked, "Is every alright?"

More munching and slobbering ensued before the father of this charming troop nodded his ten gallon head, allowing more half-eaten gobbledy-gook to drip off his chin. The wife and the rest of the kids were covered in a variety of sauces and chunks as they also nodded.

My cousin couldn't ask them to leave. Or so he thought. Instead, he made up a little tale explaining how the casino buffet needed their table for a bigger family and asked if they could move. He politely asked a second time, not sure if they heard him over the noises their mouths were making. The father held up a greasy finger, before saying, "Fine". That one word response was muffled, however, because a blob of mushy meatloaf squeezins was trying to escape from his pie hole.

In the end, the family was escorted to a more secluded room, in an area with many walls.

At one time, my wife worked at a famous named steak restaurant where the cooks or servers, if they dropped steaks on the floors, would routinely pick the steak up and place it back on the plate and serve it to the customer.

A friend of mine told me the account of a couple of disgruntled employees at another famous named restaurant. They were angry at their supervisor. They were going to make him pay for some transgression against them. But it seems to me the patrons of this eatery paid, as well. Towards the end of the second shift, when all the employees were cleaning up and taking the food away from the buffet bar, an item was discovered at the bottom of the vegetable soup pot. The eyes of the employees discovering this item certainly must have widened at the sight of a used maxi pad stuck on the bottom of this soup pot. In retrospect, I suppose you really couldn't call it vegetable soup, could you, if there were some type of meat in it also?

In summary, I'd like to point out that there can be no debate that the United States has the highest (or one of the highest) rates of obesity in the entire world. You need to look no further than the local all-you-can-gorge-on-buffet ( a.k.a. human hog trough) or down the street or, maybe, in front of the mirror.

And please, could you not drop the tong handle in the chicken gravy! Damn it.

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Speaking Of One Thing Bouncing Into Another

Don't get me wrong, I love my cats but they can be annoying sometimes. My redhaired tabby cat, Victor, enjoys licking my kneecaps while I'm trying to take a dump before going to work in the morning. Here, I'm trying my damnedest to squeeze one out in the few minutes I've got before hitting the road and my lil' hairball buddy is tasting my leg knoblets as if they were two scoops of catnip flavored ice cream. It's very hard to concentrate and focus on the task at hand when you have an animal making "spitty spots" on your legs.

Lately, Victor has added another odd antic to his resume. He has been jumping up on top of our clothes hamper to turn the air conditioner on. Then he will sit on the edge of the mattress on the bed, directly in front of the air conditioner. Normally, I wouldn't care too much, but damn, the last couple of days it has been 10 to 20 degrees outside in this area. He can't be that hot. I've also seen him press the off button on the AC with his little paw and leave the bedroom. How considerate.

Speaking of electrical items, I was in the kitchen yesterday morning, writing a reminder note to myself and I was wishing I had more light to see better. Suddenly, the big ceiling light came on. I didn't think much about it, figuring my wife had flipped the switch on the wall behind me. I finish writing and turn around to thank her but she's not there. She's on the sofa in the living room, far from the light switch in the kitchen. I asked, "Did you turn the light on in here?" She said, "No, I'm sitting here, watching tv." I stated, "Well, I didn't turn the light on." She told me I was crazy and returned her gaze back to the boob tube.

I'm thinking it's possible it could have been my mother, who passed away two and a half years ago. I was very close to her. I talk to her when I'm alone in the car or here in my home, at least once a day. At times, I will ask her for a sign she is around me, in spirit. Maybe that was a sign. I can't think of any other explanation.

Or maybe, just maybe, my tricky feline bounded off the mattress in the bedroom, leapt onto the kitchen table and from there, jumped across three feet of open space and hit the kitchen light switch on the wall with his paw, sensing it was too dark for me to see the paper I was writing on. Heh heh.

Speaking of mattresses, one of our idiotic neighbors, living in our apartment complex, decided to throw a king sized mattress on top of our dumpster. Our dumpster was filled to the max already without this anonymous moron adding more chaos to the mix. He/She/They could have placed the mattress on it's side inside in the dumpster, or better yet, up against the side so the rest of us could throw our garbage in there. To make matters worse, they threw it in there this last Saturday. And because all the city employees were off Martin Luther King Day, Monday, that meant it would be five days until the dumpster garbage would be hauled off. During those days, people had thrown a rotting chair, old Christmas trees and a host of other goodies on top of the mattress. Unfortunately, I had no choice but to throw my king sized litter bag of cat turds on top of all the rest of that stuff. Like a big stinkin' cherry on a big stinkin' sundae.

Speaking of dumbass neighbors, my wife said our neighbors across the hall turned on their living room light and opened their blinds to watch her leave for work a couple mornings ago. There was a couple inches of solid ice in our parking lot on top of our hill. She was trying to get our huge white Dodge Ram truck out of the lot, spinning tires and doing a bit of fish tailing. The entire time, she noticed, the neighbors were glued to the window, seeming to enjoy the show. It was embarrassing for her. I, myself, would have cheerfully given them the one finger salute and mouthed the words BITE ME but she isn't as uncouth as I am. She could have, at least, took the time to roll down her window and scream, "Would you care for a goddamn bag of popcorn during the goddamn show?!" If all else fails, I try to use charm, of course.

Speaking of entertainment (or lack thereof), is there no end to mind numbing tv sitcoms and commercials that portray men to be either imbeciles or slobs or both and the woman to be a superior goddess that can do no wrong? Is there some radical feminist standing next to the writers and directors of these productions, telling them how to shoot scene after scene of unfunny jokes that insult men without giving the same treatment towards women? If you put a tv show on that only offered up discriminatory storylines towards women nowadays, you would be labled a sexist pig. I say if you want true equality, treat both sexes the same.

For more true and humorous insights on this topic, check out the Bill Maher video I have on this website titled "Bill Maher On Radical Feminism". It's freakin' great and absolutely spot on.

Speaking of spots, my 6 year old neice on my wife's side of the family was running around our apartment like a monkey with it's head on backwards a week ago. One hand was on a cup of cherry Kool-Aid. The other hand was waving to an imaginary monster chasing after her. She was yelling, "Boogla Boogla, Abba Babba!" I have no idea what this meant. Maybe it meant.... I am now, for your viewing pleasure, about to spill this cherry red liquid refreshment upon your light carpeting. Enjoy!

Which is what happened next.

Anyone know how to get that stain out? I haven't had any luck with it.

Sunday, January 20, 2008

Crazy Bear and Volcano Butt

At least I'm over the sinus infection and bronchitis. My arms and elbows are still giving me trouble, however. I've been to 2 different doctors who say I've got tennis elbow. I've been taking this, supposedly strong, anti-inflammatory medication for it, since Wednesday but so far, it has been of minimal help with the pain. It doesn't help that I'm in a distribution center where I do a lot of repetitious work.

But, as I've mentioned, I'm not sick anymore. So that's something.

I frequently get sick. It usually takes a strong anti-biotic to knock the shit out of my system. One of the worst times I've ever been sick was when I went camping with a bunch of friends. This occurred about 15 years ago but I remember it with much fondness. I call this unfortunate, true story....


One night, as I'm walking around with my friends, sister and brother-in-law at a huge flea market out in the middle of nowhere, it is mutually decided that we walk back to our campground, a quarter of a mile away, to do a bit of drinking. It is kind of chilly. About forty degrees. At the time, I was a little sick but not feeling that bad. A sore throat. Some snot in my nose. No big deal. So I believed. I found out my decision to drink would be a poor one, though.

So we get to our large green tent in the primitive area. The "primitive area" means there are no bathrooms or water fountains within a quarter of a mile of the entire site. There's about ten of us. And we're all drinking, having a righteous good time in the middle of no-man's-land. I think I had a couple swigs of peppermint schnapps, along with my one beer. Yum. Several hours later, we turn in and pass out on the canvas tent floor. It's incredibly cramp in the tent, with no space between bodies. When someone belched or farted, you were going to smell it. No way to escape it.

Sure enough, in the middle of the night, I feel the bile rising up in my throat. As I'm struggling to crawl over bodies in complete darkness, pee dribbles down my leg. I panic. Now I'm rushing to get the hell out of the tent, not caring who's head I crush with a kneecap. I barely am able to unzip the tent door and jump out when every human waste liquid known to man gushes forth from every orifice, simultaneously. Fountains of vomit leap out of my mouth like a broken Hoover Dam. Torrents of anus gravy explode out of my butt with such force, I swear the back of my jeans have blown out. My male member unloads two and half quarts of piss as I gargle multi-colored puke out onto the cold hard ground. I'm on my hands and knees, silently begging for death. I try desperately to hold back my enraged fluids but to no avail. I am in hell as I shake, puke, piss and shit like some monstrous human crap sprinkler. Intermittently, as I attempt to stop heaving, a strange, bear-like roar is unleashed from my throat. At least, that's how my sister has described it.

Finally, my sister comes out. I'm surprised no one had heard me before. Later, someone told me that they had heard me but were afraid to come out. They thought they heard a monster. It was me.

My sister, thankfully, brought out some rags and a pair of shorts for me to use. I had to strip off all of my clothes as they were completely soiled. I wiped the various chunks of stuff off of me and then changed clothes, stumbling over a rock, while doing so. Extremely dehydrated and exhausted, I drug my limp, foul body back inside the tent and collapsed. It seemed the good times were over.

In the morning, everyone regains consciousness and begins to rise. When they look at me, they see a pale form lying still on the floor. My arms are crossed over my chest (in burial fashion) and my eyes are swollen shut. They actually thought I was a goner. Luckily, my sister traveled to the parking area and brought my car to me when I resurrected from the grave. I left the campground with a chafed anus, bloody raw throat and pounding grey matter. Hardly able to see through my watering eyes, I made it back home. A miracle.

A day later, either my wife or mother were doing me the favor of washing my jeans. The same jeans that had been so ruthlessly abused during my puking escapade. Feeling something hard in the lower pants leg, she became curious and reached up inside to pull out a dry, foot long solid turd.

What a delightful surprise.


Tuesday, January 15, 2008

There Are Other Life Forms

It's egotistical to believe there isn't the possibility that other intelligent life forms exist in the universe. This isn't the only planet with life on it among the millions of other planets. I'll be frank here- I feel if you don't think there is the slightest chance that some other type of life does exist on our little polluted planet, then I'd have to characterize you as being terribly narrow minded.

In the earliest days of mankind, it is obvious people were seeing extraterrestrial spacecraft up in the sky. They also saw extraterrestrial beings, as well. They described what they saw with words, paintings and clay figurines. All around the world, they did their best to show what they had seen so it would not be forgotten. Below are just a few sample images of ancient paintings.

The above painting was created by artist Domenico Ghirlandaio in the 15th century.

Above Mary's shoulder is a disk shaped object. Off to the right is a man and dog looking up at the object.

This is an ancient Egyptian drawing of a bipedal entity in a Ptahhotpe tome

The cave painting above was done in Tanzania. It's estimated to have been created 27000 B.C.
In ancient times, people would write down on paper the different life forms that they had seen. Have you ever heard of elves, fairies, trolls and leprechauns? And those are just a few you'll find in ancient texts.

I found an intriguing website the other day. It's called the Disclosure Project. The "project" is headed by Dr. Steven M. Greer. In the site you will find a streaming video of over 20 military, intelligence, government, corporate and scientific witnesses coming forward to say they will testify before congress things they've seen, heard and read to establish the reality of extraterrestrial life. This took place May, 9, 2001 at the National Press Club Conference.
Click on this link
Then click on the media gallery tab, go down to where it says "May 9, 2001 National Press Club Conference" and click on that. Once there, you can view a very lengthy streaming video that's a real eye opener. These are the testimonies of highly reputable people that held important positions in Nasa, the military and high profile corporations.
There was a national telephone survey of 1,000 Americans -- 523 women and 477 men aged 18+ -- conducted between April 20 and May 2, 2005 by the University of Connecticut's Center For Survey Research and Analysis (CSRA) in association with the SETI Institute (Search for Extraterrestrial Intelligence) and National Geographic Channel (NGC).

Highlights of the national survey included:
Does life exist on other planets?
60% of Americans believe life exists on other planets
More men than women believe life exists on other planets, 69% vs. 51%
72% of those who believe life exists on other planets would be "excited and hopeful" upon learning that life had been found on other planets.
Women are twice as likely as men to feel "nervous and afraid" if we learn life exists -- 27% vs. 13%
Men are more likely to feel excited and hopeful if we find life on other planets -- 78% vs. 65%
Personally, I feel the odds of us being the only, dare I say it, intelligent life in the universe is incredibly slim. Besides, too many people from all walks of life (from former president Jimmy Carter to somebody's neighbor down the road) have been witness to extraterrestrial vehicles and beings. They can't be all deranged, blurry-eyed or mistaken about what they've seen.
And yes, I do feel the truth has been covered up by the government for the reason of not panicing the public. Hell, I'm pretty sure that's just one of the reasons. I believe there is more to it, though.
What do you think?

Saturday, January 12, 2008

Pop Culture Monkey Worship

Strange fetish is how I'd describe what this society has for celebrities. A nobody with money and no talent like Paris Hilton grabs more press than starving people in third world countries. And I'm so sick and tired about what Britney is doing or the panties she's not wearing. Who gives an elephant turd? Whenever those "entertainment news" shows come on, I switch channels. My life is more interesting. Hopefully, you find that yours is, as well.

Apparently, there's enough of you Pop Culture Monkeys out there watching and sucking in all that wisdom your heroes spill forth on the tube that keep those shows a' rollin'. In rehab. Out of rehab. Screwing this celebrity. Screwing that celebrity. Getting drunk. Marriage. Divorce. Settlement. Being quoted for making retarded remarks. Rinse. Repeat. So on. So forth.

I think all those important stories have been recycled about a billion times over. Don't you?

And then there's the sick, bow-down-to-their-feet worship of millionaire sports figures. Please, oh please, give me your autograph, Mr. Football/Baseball/Basketball God of Mine. Because of what you can do with a gameball, you are certainly worthy of the praise and hours-long ongoing debates of men with nothing better to talk about.

You see an image of Billy Bob Thorton on the left. Why? Because we're talking about celebrities. And I like the guy because I think he may be crazy- for real. And I think he's funny and a great actor. But I don't love the guy. He has no more value than you or I. Believe it or not.

But if you want real "monkey shines", then you won't have far to go while channel surfing, because within seconds, you shall hit upon one of the surest signs of the impending apocalypse. Of course, we're talking about the insepid reality tv show. Why are we so fascinated with ordinary retards, like ourseves, speaking imbecilic dialogue to each other? They know they are being filmed. So naturally, they're going to say and do things they wouldn't normally do. It's that 15 minutes of fame mentality.

It's like monkeys watching monkeys isn't it? I guess the producers of these cheap-to-make-lame-ass programs think that because these are ordinary folks, such as us, supposedly, that we feel a real connection to them. I know I don't. I'd rather watch a show with good writing involved and real acting. I can't and do not identify with some moron living in the same house with other morons spouting off inane patter.

Talk shows like Jerry Springer or Oprah aren't any better. Jerry has his trailer trash freaks that do the side show bit for trailer trash boob tube watchers. Oprah does her acting like she truly cares routine for ratings. They all have their agendas and cravings for certain demographics.

The media does their best to grab your attention away from the real stories and we usually gobble up whatever slop they're offering.

Remember.... your life is more interesting to you.

At least it should be.

Sunday, January 6, 2008

I'm Voting For You and Me

After watching ten minutes of "Face The Nation" this morning, I channel-switched for a few minutes more before turning the tv off. There's never anything decent to watch on Sunday mornings, you know.

John McCain, well known for capitalizing on his prisoner time in Vietnam, was spouting off he would make change happen if elected president on Face the Nation. Yeah, right. I don't believe any of the candidates would have that power or interest.

The only change that would happen would be most likely negative and pre-determined by those behind the scenes. The president is just a pawn and we are all just numbers to the government. But it's easier, of course, to just go about our lives, filling it with distractions and material trinkets, than to say we're being screwed by having our civil rights gradually taken away and more money sucked out of us for a war that has more to do with what lobbyists and Bush Jr. cronies want than terrorism.

I'm sure his advisors have instructed Bush to use terrorism to scare people. Lucky for him, most of the American people are stupid enough to accept it. Oh, you don't? Funny, I don't hear too many of you talking about it.

I found the image above on the internet. Thought it was humorous and true and unfortunate. Although I don't feel Bush is as bad as Hitler yet, I do feel he has used one of his political strategies for "producing" a war. He has used many excuses in the past. I think I still vaguely recall the Weapons of Mass Destruction thing he had going on for awhile. And whatever happened to the hunt for Osama Bin whats-his-name? You don't hear much about him anymore.

A lot of candidates throw around the word CHANGE now, a routine many of them have done in the past. They all say they'll bring the troops home.... eventually. But the reality of it is, we are in way over our heads. It's about money. It's about the natural resources (oil) and it's about controlling other people in cultures we don't care to understand. We're setting up our "diplomatic" regime in Iraq in the hopes of controlling the oil even as we speak. Next, we'll go to war with Iran and whoever else that doesn't agree with us.

We're the New Roman Empire. No wonder the rest of the world hates us.

There was a time in which I believed in voting, but I know how futile it is now.
I wish the American People were in power. And I wish we would all care enough to say and do what needs to be done to get it back.

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