This site is a testament to not only my life but to the insanity of society. Dive into Psycho Carnival and you'll find tragicomic personal stories, wild yet honest rants, a little depravity, videos and a buttload of other goodies.

This site also contains adult like humor and ideas that could make you think. Consider yourself warned!

Friday, October 29, 2010

A Unique Alternative

Ethan had brought in the last box of his belongings. He was anxious to get his stuff put away so he could finally relax. It had been a long day. His buddy, Ken and his new girlfriend, Daria, were a great help getting him moved into the old rental house but even they had had enough. They were tired and wanted to go home. Ethan told them to go home and that he was just going to unpack some plates and coffee mugs before going to bed, himself.

Ethan walked back outside to tell them goodbye and to thank them for their assistance. He was standing on the sidewalk and was about to say something to both of them when he felt like someone was watching him from the living room window. He turned quickly to look. There was nothing there, of course.

Daria asked, playfully, "Well, guy, are you going to be okay in this big ol' house, all alone?"

It was an obvious joke but he wondered if Daria had thought he had a strange look on his face when he turned around.

Ethan laughed in a way that suggested he was more tired than amused. Not wanting to seem ungrateful, Ethan replied, "That's nice of you ask but I think I'll be fine. Thanks."

Ken pulled out his cell phone, rocked it back and forth in his hand and reminded, "Well, man, you know our number if you get too burnt out from unpacking your shit tomorrow."

"Yeah, I'll probably give you guys a call. Maybe we can go see a movie." offered Ethan.

As Ken and his new girlfriend, Daria, pulled out of the driveway, Ethan waved them goodbye. Even then, he felt as if he were being watched from the curtained window. A part of him dismissed it as fatigue. Another part was telling him that someone was in there.

He turned around for the walk back and said, "I'm being paranoid."

Ethan stared at the window while walking back toward the house. After he was inside, he cautiously searched every room. Nothing unusual. He could clearly smell Daria's perfume in the bathroom from when she used it during their hours of moving.

The thirty two year old muttered, "She must have taken a bath in that stuff. It doesn't smell too bad, though."

Ethan smiled and thought of Ken's girlfriend in his bathtub. Then he reasoned with himself, acknowledging that though Daria was pretty, he would never act out on his impulses regarding her. Besides, her attitude could sometimes annoy him to the point where he couldn't care less about her looks. And he sure as hell wasn't going to tell Ken about his thoughts on his new girlfriend.

After ending his room-to-room search, he was satisfied with the results enough to collapse on the bed, welcoming sleep. Even in his bedroom, he could smell the perfume. Minutes later, he was asleep.

Around one in the morning, Ethan woke up to the sounds of crying. It seemed like it was coming from down the hallway. He rolled over to listen closely. Nothing. He thought that it was strange but he had more pressing matters. And the pressing felt like it was on his bladder. He thought, Great. Gotta take a piss.

Sleepy and frustrated, he got up, flicked on the hallway light and made his way to the bathroom. He stood there, relieving himself, pushing one hand against the wall for balance. He remembered the last time he had to take a piss when he was this tired. He thought, I tripped over the toilet and almost did a header into the shower stall, nearly cracking my skull open. Damn, I'm good.

Again, with the crying. Now it sounded like it was coming from his bedroom. He knew what would happen next. He would stumble his accident-prone ass back to his bedroom, find nothing and likely keep awake to the sounds of crying throughout the rest of the night. But Ethan was beginning to get nervous. He was running the possibilities in his mind of what the source of the crying could be.

As he walked back, he felt something cold brush by him. The hallway light flickered a few moments. The crying suddenly became a long, drawn out wail and caused Ethan to stop moving. He held his breath. The crying stopped abruptly. Ethan was about to exhale when he heard...

"I'm sorry I scared you."

He heard the words coming from directly in front of him but they offered no comfort. His heart beat faster. Ethan felt dizzy.

Minutes passed before he calmed himself to the point where he wanted to move again. When Ethan finally made it to his bedroom, he saw what he hoped he would see, which was nothing unusual. Shaking his head, the dark haired man crept beneath the sheets of his bed and did nothing but stare out his bedroom doorway. He wasn't sure, if anything, what to do next. He thought about getting up to check the rooms again but finally decided that he would try for sleep one more time. If that wasn't going to happen, he thought about leaving the place or calling the cops or something else.

Ethan got up from the bed, on impulse and shut the bedroom door before climbing back into bed.

Suddenly, the sheets of his bed pulled away and he heard, "I'm not trying to scare you."

Something invisible, yet heavy enough to make an lengthy indention in the mattress, pressed along his side. It felt cold. Ethan went into shock. A glowing mist formed beside him. His eyes widened, pupils dilated. His mind was in full "fight or flight" mode but fear kept him in place, completely petrified. The mist formed into an orb. The orb began to take a human form. And before he dared to think another thought, the apparition of a woman with a pale face and long, dark red hair pulled together so as to be completely visible. She was radiant, beautiful and smiling.

Ethan watched the clarity of her image sharpen. The glow dampened to being almost nonexistent. And she was speaking again. He listened.

"Are you okay?" she said, "My name is Clara."

The spirit touched his face. She smiled. The light coming through the window from the street reflected off her dark red hair. Green eyes stared into his eyes. Slowly, her arm lowered to his lower torso. Her cold hand seemed to be searching for his-

Ethan gulped a little when she grasped his penis and gently stroked it. He thought, This can't be happening. The red haired, green eyed ghost confirmed what part of himself didn't want to believe.

"Yes, I am a spirit", she said, matter-of-factly, "And I'm not here to hurt you."

Ethan looked down and a somewhat transparent, yet clear hand, was pulling gently on his cock. He looked back up, his eyes meeting hers, before he stuttered, "So you're a... ghost... and your name is... Clara?"

"And I'm lonely," Clara finished.

Ethan's penis stiffened and with each stroke, her hand seemed to warm up. She closed in on his face and softly kissed him. Her lips felt every bit as real as her hand. Ethan didn't pull away. Instead, he kissed her right back.

Clara pulled her wavy long hair back off her smooth, freckled shoulders and got up until she was kneeling on the bed. From there, she commenced taking off her vaguely luminescent gown from her body, revealing well rounded breasts that swayed a little from their size. The gown seemed to become a murky image for a moment and then entirely disappeared. Clara placed one of her pale, tender thighs over the top of him until she was completely straddling him. Ethan grabbed her ass and slipped his penis inside her vagina. At first, it was cold, but with each thrust he made inside her, he felt her warmth strengthen and the smell of her perfume became a little more powerful.

Ethan soon came hard. Clara's vaginal muscles tightened around his throbbing, pumping cock. His orgasm was strong and made him freeze in place again. Only this time, it was in a good way. The ghost threw her head back and she let out a groan which eventually became a wail. But this wail was one of extreme pleasure, instead of the previous one that conveyed grief and hopelessness. Clara slowly looked down at Ethan and smiled, all pain diminished.

After having sex, Clara collapsed on top of him. She raised her head to face Ethan and said, "There's something I have to tell you about Daria."

The continuation of this story will conclude in the next post. Until then, Happy Halloween and Happy Waiting!

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

The Dropa Stones and The Dropa People

I've always found "ancient alien" theories fascinating. And I find, with more and more information, ancient texts and artifacts surfacing up from our past, that the probability of an alien race visiting Earth long ago is pretty damn high. I've read and heard what the naysayers say and have written and I still find it odd that they continue to be incredibly close minded. My motto has always been: Nothing is 100%, absolutely concrete. What was true yesterday may be suddenly or gradually studied to be found false today. You see it all the time.

Authors and others in the past and present have written and told of many encounters human civilization has had with ancient astronauts or ancient aliens that have visited Earth. There are those who believe that this contact is connected with the origins or development of human cultures, technologies and religions.

I've talked about this subject before in a previous post, showing artwork of the past that uncannily seems to exhibit alien spacecraft, technology and a connection to those who may have witnessed such phenomena.

I've been doing research on the net about The Dropa Stones. Maybe you've heard of them. There's no way for me to tell unless you let me in on that. Regardless, here's what I've found out about these intriguing artifacts found over 40 years ago:

The Dropa Stones, 716 disc plates or disks, were first discovered in 1938, when a archaeological expedition led by Chi Pu Tei, stumbled across a cave high in the mountains that border China and Tibet.

It was obvious to the archaeologists that the cave had been occupied by primitive people from long ago. This cave is said to be around 10 - 12,000 years old. This cave also connected to other caves that were more like a complex system of tunnels and underground store rooms than anything else.

The walls of the caves were squared and glazed. They described them as if they were actually cut into the mountain with a source of extreme heat.

On the walls of the caves were carved pictograms of the heavens, the Earth, the sun, the moon and the stars. Each were connected with lines.

The most incredible discovery, half-buried beneath the floor of the cave, was an odd stone disk, which was approximately nine inches in diameter and three quarters of an inch thick. In the center was a perfect 3/4″ hole, with a fine groove spiralling out from the center, resembling that of an old phonograph record.

The groove, on further inspection, was a continuous line of weird carved hieroglyphic writing.

Dr. Tsum Um Nui, in 1962, had the difficult task of transcribing the character from the disks to paper.

He estimated that they were at least 12,000 years old, with writing so small he had to use a magnifying glass to see it clearly, much of the writing had worn away, but he was so puzzled at how these primitive people could of created these stones and how they managed the almost microscopic writing.

Eventually the doctor made progress and a word emerged, then another and another until he made out an entire sentence. Incredibly, he had broken the code.

Dr. Tsum Um Nui, discovered that the stones were written by a people who called themselves, the “Dropa”, but what he was reading 12,000 years later didn't make much sense to him. However, when he had finished his translation, he wrote up a paper on his findings and presented it to the University for publication. The reaction he received was not what he expected.

The Peking Academy of Prehistory expressly forbade the doctor to publish or even speak about his findings. The world, the Academy decided, would not know about the “Dropa” and their fateful journey to Earth. The information could bring about disastrous socio-economic consequences, according to the academy. Eventually, against their will or with their approval... No one is absolutely sure... Dr. Tsum Um Nui did, in fact, publish his findings and entitled it "The Grooved Script Concerning Spaceships Which, as Recorded on the Discs, Landed on Earth 12,000 Years Ago." Admittedly, a long freakin' title. The important thing is, is that he believed in his work enough to get it out to the public.

In his published findings, Dr. Tsum Um Nui related the following:

The Dropa Stones tell an amazing story of an alien space probe from a distant planet that crash landed in the mountains of the Himalayas of which the occupants of the space craft, the Dropa, found refuge in the caves of the Baian-Kara-Ula mountains. The members of the Han tribe, whom were occupying neighboring caves, were fearful of the Dropas, and misunderstood their intentions. In turn the Han tribe hunted down the aliens, killing some in the process.

Here is an excerpt from one of the transcribed stones: "The Dropa came down from the clouds in their aircraft. Our men, women, and children hid in the caves ten times before sunrise. When at last they understood the sign language of the Dropa, they realized that the newcomers had peaceful intentions...."

The Dropa Stones then go on to say that the Dropas became stranded on Earth when they were unable to repair their disabled craft. Not being able to return to their home planet they learned from the Han tribe how to survive.

Interestingly enough, there is also an ancient Chinese tale that tells of small, slender people of a yellow hue that descended to the Earth from the clouds and who were shunned by everyone because of their ugliness. Today, the isolated mountain region of the Himalayans is inhabited by two tribes of people- the Dropa and the Han. No one in the scientific community has been able to prove that either tribe is of any known race on Earth. They are of neither Chinese nor Tibetan descent.

Another wild thing about this is that their heights don't exceed 3 ft 6 in and they weigh no more than between 38-52 pounds. The physical features correspond exactly to the skeletal remains found in the caves in 1938. The Dropa clan has unique features in that they are extremely thin, have disproportionate large heads, are yellow in color and have sparse hair on their bodies. Even more convincing that the Dropa have some relationship to the people who made the Dropa stone is that they have large inset eyes that are not Asian in aspect, but have pale blue irises.

In 1968, 6 years after Tsum Um Nui decoded the Dropa stones, a Russian scientist, W. Saitsew, conducted scientific tests on the disks that yielded some very interesting and peculiar results. The physical properties of the disks contained high concentrations of cobalt and other metals. This combination of metals would have made the stone so hard that it would have been virtually impossible for the primitive people to carve the hieroglyphs, especially with such small characters. When the discs had been tested with an oscillograph, it was discovered that the discs had once been electrically charged and had functioned as electrical conductors as well. When placed on a special turntable they vibrated or hummed in an unusual rhythm as though an electric charge was passing through them. Like some part of an electrical circuit? Who knows?

Who knows, for sure, about any of this? And I guess that's my point. Why completely close your mind that it did not happen? To me, that's just as "wacky" as saying that all of it did happen just that way, for certain. The thing is this: The story of the Dropa Stones and the Dropa people is just one of a number of stories from ancient cultures that claim their descendents came to Earth from the heavens. And having an open mind about this and any other seemingly impossible phenomena, I believe, will only allow you to grow in wisdom.

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Here's Looking At You, Freak

I get creeped out by cock-eyed, walled and freaky eyed people. Why can't they all go on some island together and live... Live far away from me. Next one of you crazy eyed motherfuckers get near me I'm going to set you ablaze.

Of course, that would just make you creepier... Unless you had the decency to quickly burn to a crisp and land face first so I don't have to see your boiled or seared eyeballs.

Even though I liked Marty Feldman as an actor and comedian, he still freaked me out a little with his fucked up eyes. Yes, I even felt a little sorry for him, but hey, the mind is bothered by what the mind is bothered by. some people are freaked out by clowns. For me, it's folks with fucked up eyeballs. My favorite movie with him in it, is Young Frankenstein.

Some imbecile getting an eye tattoo. For real. Why?

Again... Why?

Steve Buscemi. Can you guess which hilarious movie this image is from?

I think I saw this at a Ripley's Believe It Or Not museum. Loads of freaky things to be found at those museums.

Spooky shit here. Beats a clown any day, in regards to creepiness.

Bubbles, from The Trailer Park Boys TV Show. He makes me laugh with his antics but I'd still set him on fire for free.

A nice biker couple. Take your "Born To Be Wild" asses away from me, goddamn it!

Sunday, October 24, 2010

Bet Ya Didn't Know I Have a New Blog

There was a time when I was taking pictures of everything except a rat nibbling a piece of cheese off the tip of my penis. Then I fell out of love with snapping shots of this, that and the other. Long story, there.

Oh, and I had the rat assassinated, too. Poor fuckin' Ratty. That was his name- Ratty. Pretty original, eh? I strapped him to a lamp post and let my cat eat his little kicking legs until he went Weee-Weee-Weee -all the way to a cruel, dismembering death.

In the last couple of years, I've gone back to my love for photography and taken a whole crapload of pics. As a matter of fact, I created a spankin' new blog, featuring original photos taken by me, called Pics For Kicks. You won't find anything too wild on this site so don't go expecting that before you click the link. And I know some of you freaks are expecting clown porn or a 7 foot tall, cross-eyed sociopath holding a golden goblet full of eyeballs but I would have to tell you to quell your thirst for insanity at some other site.

Take the one you're on right now, for instance.

Here's a sneak preview of my first post on Pics For Kicks.

As you may be able to tell, unless you're on crack, shrooms or you're an absolute imbecile, this is not an image of a guy wearing a thousand and one dildos. For that, you'll have to check out one of my previous, recent posts.

I asked some of you out there in the BlogoSphere and in RealityWorld to give me some ideas for a suitable title for my blog and although Snapshots Of Drooling Retards and Does This Look Creamy To You? were both just dandy as the bee's knees (how bees have knees-I'll never know) I thought about all the ideas everyone contributed and decided that my friend, Steve, had the best one.

Because he is the incredibly fortunate winner of my unofficial lil' poll, I am happy to award him with the grand prize- One free dinner at the Droopy Nipple Cafe. Congratulate him folks! He's a lucky man. Twice lucky, in fact. The other reason being because he has such a good friend in me.

That's him below, trying to hide from me. He quickly finds out there is no escape.

When you go to the new blog, Pics For Kicks and check it out (and I know you will because I have a gun to your head) you'll notice it is almost barren with the exception of the first post of pics. This is because I am lazy. Either that or I've been busy. Either that or I'm surfing for inspiring, wholesome websites that gives one hope and fills you up with overwhelming love.

Ha ha ha ha hah ahhahhahahahaaaaaaaaaa. Eh, yeah.

Anyway.... Here's that link again-

And tell 'em Kelly sent ya. They'll know what to do. ;)

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Sicker Jokes

What's the difference between an onion and a dead hooker?

I cried when I cut up the onion.

Why did the feminist cross the road?

To suck my dick.

How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change the light bulb, the other to suck my dick.

The kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and relate it to the class the next day. When the time came for the little kids to give their reports, the teacher was calling on them one at a time. She was reluctant to call upon little Johnnie, knowing that he sometimes could be a bit crude. But eventually his turn came.

Little Johnnie walked up to the front of the class, and with a piece of chalk, made a small white dot on the blackboard, then sat back down. Well the teacher couldn't figure out what Johnnie had in mind for his report on something exciting, so she asked him just what that was.

"It’s a period" reported Johnnie.
"Well I can see that" she said. "but what is so exciting about a period?"

"Hell if I know" said Johnnie, "but this morning my sister said she missed one. Then Daddy had a heart attack, Mommy fainted and the man next door shit himself."

What should you do if you find a woman lying in a ditch at the side of the road?

Ask her why she left the kitchen.

How does an Arkansas mother know her daughter is having her period.

Her son's dick tastes funny.

What did the deaf, dumb, and blind kid get for Christmas?


What's red and silver and walks into walls?

A baby with forks in its eyes.

Two guys are stranded in the desert dying of thirst. As they're walking along they see a little shack. They run up to it and knock on the door. This big, fat, hairy, smelly, ugly, lady answers.
The first man tells the lady about their situation and begs her for a drink.

The woman says, "Sure, if you fuck me."

The first man replies, "I would rather die in this desert, then sleep with your fat smelly ass."

The second man wants to live and agrees to do the deed. The second man and the women enter the shack, leaving the first man outside. The women says, "Fuck me then!"

The man agrees to do it only if she will close her eyes. He looks around the shack and sees a table full of corn on the cob. He picks one up, fucks her with it and throws it out the window. The woman opens her eyes and asks for it again.

The man agrees and repeats the deed. The woman is finally satisfied and agrees to give the man and his friend some water. The man calls his friend in and informs him that the woman is going to give them some water.

The friend replies, "Fuck the water, I want some more of that buttered corn."

Everyone sing!

Sing a song of syphilis,
A fanny full of crabs,
Four and twenty abscesses,
Twice as many scabs,
When it starts to open,
A crab begins to sing
What a fucking dirty cunt
To put a penis in!

Have a great weekend, fuckers!

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

My First YouTube video

This being my first YouTube video I've ever created, you must go gentle on me. If you don't, I will cut a gigantic cyber fart on your face. I thank The Wolf for some instructions on how to get it on YouTube.

Sunday, October 17, 2010

Halloween Costume Ideas

Halloween is coming up fast. Here are a few images and ideas to help get you thinking about what you want to wear at the Halloween party you're going to attend. After all, you want to look your best! And don't forget your pet. I'm sure it will want to dress up in an uncomfortable or embarrassing outfit, as well.

You're welcome.

Friday, October 15, 2010

Crazy True News and Crazy True Laws

The government of China executed twelve male and six female factory managers by firing squad at a refrigerator plant just outside Beijing in 1989 because the poor quality of their products constituted "unpardonable crimes against the people of China." Customers had complained for years about having to wait for refrigerators that were usually unusable when delivered.

Darrel Brown, 53, was convicted of defrauding the Veterans Administration of more than $700,000 by feigning paralysis for more than twenty years. He had been faithfully reporting to VA facilities during that time in a wheelchair after having bound his arms and legs tightly for days before visits so they would temporarily atrophy.

Farmers in an eastern Indian state have asked their unmarried daughters to plow parched fields naked in a bid to embarrass the weather gods to bring some badly needed monsoon rain, reported officials.

A Mississippi judge ordered an attorney to spend several hours in jail Wednesday after the attorney chose not to recite the Pledge of Allegiance in court. The Northeast Mississippi Daily Journal reported that Chancery Judge Talmadge Littlejohn told a court audience to rise and say the pledge. People in the courtroom said Danny Lampley of Oxford stood but did not say the words.

A horrified 8-year-old boy watched as his pet turtle disappeared into an alligator's jaws at an aquarium in the Florida Panhandle. Colton Guthrie had donated his pet red-eared slider, Tomalina, to the Gulfarium in Fort Walton Beach when the turtle outgrew her home aquarium. Colton's mother told the Northwest Florida Daily News Tuesday that the family saw workers place Tomalina in an exhibit Thursday with other red-eared sliders and an alligator.

Although the alligator had long ignored the other turtles, Brenda Guthrie said the gator ate Tomalina as Colton shouted, "Oh no, alligator, let it go!"

10 Crazy U.S. Laws

In Bozeman, Montana, a law prohibits all sexual activity from the front yard of a home after sundown.

In Salt Lake County, Utah, it’s illegal to walk down the street carrying a violin in a paper bag.

In San Francisco, it’s illegal to pile horse manure more than six feet high on a street corner.

Devon, Texas, it is against the law to make furniture while you are nude.

In Oklahoma, you can be arrested for making ugly faces at a dog.

In California, it is illegal for a vehicle without a driver to exceed 60 miles per hour.

In Florida, men seen publicly in any kind of strapless gown can be fined.

In South Carolina, it is legal to beat your wife on the court house steps on Sundays.

In Tennessee, you are breaking the law if you drive while sleeping…

In Pennsylvania, it’s against the law to tie a dollar bill on a string on the ground and pull it away when someone tries to pick it up.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Mr. Checkers Tells A Story

Gather round all ye wankers and let ol' Mister Checkers weave you a tale of intrigue and stuff. Shhh! Be still! Be silent! Listen closely, my friends and I shall show you all the magical wonders inside my pants. Rejoice, shall ye!

The great villain, Eye Paddles, had finally enough of the constant squabbling between rival gangs. It was time to show them who was the Boss of Bosses. Yes, thought Eye Paddles, head gangster of Bravo City, I will make them pay for their noises of loudness, impoliteness and stuff!

Later that night, he called upon the Greek God, Poseidon.

Poseidon said he was busy... So Eye Paddles did the next best thing. He called Him the next day. But not until Eye Paddles daily routine of quiet meditation and furious masturbation. Poseidon answered and said, "I'll do your bidding if you return the favor. The favor required Eye paddles to eat a live chicken head.

Eye Paddles went on his knees, sobbed like a pansy and then said, pleadingly, "I will do anything. Just make these idiots listen to me!"

Eye Paddles grabbed the nearest live chicken in the other room and gnawed merrily upon the chicken's head while blood spurted all around the room. Finally, he ate the head off the chicken and began to express his joy by dancing and shouting, "Old McDonald had a farm... Eee-eye, Eee-eye- Oohhhh!"

Poseidon gave him a wink and a nod and up the chimney He rose. Then, at a quarter of two, he wreaked havoc on a family and completely destroyed their house and acres of farmland. None of them had anything to do with the gangs. Poseidon just got bored.

As a result, they died, unhappy. But... At least, as a family, they enjoyed oil paintings!

Eye Paddles was troubled by this latest turn of events and rubbed his chin to show his confusion. Other times, it would be his balls. Just what did Poseidon think He was doing? he wondered.

Eye Paddles consulted the wise old psychic, Ms. Knickel. Ms. Knickel would know the answer. He called. She came over. They smoked a blunt. Then Ms. Knickel looked into her all-seeing, all-knowing mystical camera and saw the image of rival gang member, Baseball Nose.

It seemed Baseball Nose was up to his usual shenanigans again. He found out about Eye Paddles' ingenious scheme to control the rival gang members by employing the great Greek God, Poseidon. Baseball Nose, angry at Eye paddles, called Poseidon up from the ocean waters and gave Him a couple virgins to do something else.

Poseidon agreed to the new deal proposed by Baseball Nose.

What happens next in this story is a mystery for the ages, my friends. A tale shrouded in mysterious mystery, I tell you, wrapped in a lettuce leaf and placed in a sack to be further used as coffee filters. Ooh, I just wish I knew and then I could tell you but I cannot so I won't bother trying.

Monday, October 11, 2010

Japanese Naked Man Festival and The Great News

I have got some great news for ya.

One, I've had a nice nap.

It was, as far as I can remember, completely dream-free. Always a plus in my book.

Two, and probably most importantly, I got a call from the doctor's office about my bloodwork from my quarterly glucose testing during Friday's appointment for my diabetes. The doctor (actually receptionist-you never get to talk to the doctor) said my blood sugar levels, cholesterol levels and the rest were NORMAL.

I was so overjoyed at this news and surprised, simultaneously.

I figured my levels would be completely fucked due to the overeating on the cruise we took, the stress of moving tons of shitola for a crazed father and my exercise routine being scrapped because of all the recent past events -that my levels would be up through the roof. Thank God, Jesus on a cracker, Zues, Bob Marley, Your Self, My Self, money or whatever fucking god you praise that everything came out dandy as chocolate peanut butter pie.

With little peanut pieces inside the pie.

Speaking of awe-inspiring imagery, I thought I'd share with you a video, below, that my sister recently inspired me to look into. This YouTube video is one that contains very strange content (no genitals are exposed-so you can breathe easy) but maybe it's strange to me because I don't see these sorts of shenanigans around here. The clip features several scenes of the annual Japanese Naked Man Festival.

Why is this dude giving a thumbs up in this picture?

Perhaps if you read on, you will find your answer, Grasshopper.

At one point, it looks as though they are trying to touch a bald guy, in a big crowd. Supposedly, like your typical god, this dude grants you good fortune -by simply touching his body. But GodBoy doesn't look too happy about it to me.

Nor would I. Check out the video for some laughs.

Sunday, October 10, 2010

Fortune Faded and A Threat From Granny

Fortune Faded is a cool song. You must now Play the equally cool video you see here in front of your eyeballs or I will be forced to make you lick a grandmother's camel toes.

If you're a Red Hot Chili Peppers fan, you've likely already heard this tune. If not, you'll like it anyway. Remember: If you don't play this video, then I will physically make you lick granny's wide open, maggot-infested, cobwebbed beaver.

Your choice.

SO WHAT DID YOU THINK OF IT? Remember: I've got an old woman sitting by me, waiting impatiently for you to make the choice that should not be made so she can expose to you her wrinkled meat snatch in the box and get an enthusiastic licking from you, in return . No, you don't get to ask why I have an old naked geriatric sitting beside me. I don't know myself. She just magically appeared. And now she seems to be getting more frustrated than before. Honest.

Saturday, October 9, 2010

Easing Back Into Sanity and Heading Into Fall

My wife, friend and I went to the state park, recently and took some great nature shots and photos of some of the old shelters. You can really see the leaves of the trees changing colors now.

We spent a couple hours here, walking, talking and goofing off. As always, nature never lets me down when I'm badly in need of peace and relaxation. While here, I could feel the weight (my family) slip off my shoulders, leaving me to experience the quiet and simplicity of my surroundings. My friend and I took pictures of wild geese, lakes, shelters, stone drinking fountains, trees and more.

I needed a day like this.

Take a look at my tree shot close ups and tell me you don't see a dragon's face, a vagina, a set of boobs and a crooked cock!

Yeah, you see it, too. Don't you, you perverted fucker?!

After spending the last few days easing back into sanity and attempting to escape the pain and insanity of some really bad weeks I had earlier, I can honestly say the tension is lifting. I've seen a couple movies, went out to eat, celebrated my birthday at my wife's folk's place and taken a couple walks.

I can see where we are going to have some challenges ahead with the repair work one of our cars badly need but couldn't get to, my health, my wife's worsening health and other things down the road... But, at least, while I head deeper into the new Fall season, my head feels lighter and I can think more clearly and positively. I'm going to take the advice my doctor gave me today and stay away from my Dad for awhile. Maybe I'll make contact with him sometime next week. Depends on how I feel.

There's something else I've been thinking about and that is the high possibility of me creating a photo blog in the near future. The new blog will have nothing but interesting and/or cool photos on it and a few short descriptions of each pic thrown into the mix.

No porn, you freaks! This one will be semi-respectable and shit. Or even better. :)

If you can think of a nifty title for my photo blog and want to give me some ideas, let me know in the comment box or by email. Take care, everyone.

Thursday, October 7, 2010

Moving Madness

I haven't been doing anything blog-related lately because I've been moving my Dad's shit (not literal shit) back and forth from one box to another or one room to a truck to a storage unit for a month and this week has been the worst so far. My back feels like it is just recently on the mend and my mind is just beginning to feel that same way.

The post/poem I wrote before this, was more or less written to let you know I was still kicking. And screaming. And only in the last few days, regaining my sanity a little.

The Story

Unfortunately, when my wife and I got back from our cruise (of which we really should have just stayed on one of the islands) our family, especially my sister and I were plunged into 4 freakin' weeks of MOVING HELL. We, a dozen family members and friends and I had to move my ungrateful Dad's copious amounts of crapola from his house, since he sold his house, to different relative's houses, storage units and other locations.

Dad's constant verbal abuse, accusations that people were stealing from him while helping him move, complete stubbornness of his things to be taken to this storage unit or that 20 yard dumpster made us go fuckin' bonkers.

I understand that he feels that he's somehow letting go of fond memories (or just average memories) of the house since selling it, but goddamn... Don't take it out on us! Don't act as if we don't have lives --that we now have to put on hold.

Mufasa, our 16 year old cat, who died during this moving fiasco will be missed, tremendously I miss her a lot. She would always jump up on the sofa and put her little paws on my leg and she remained playful up until the last week she was alive. It wasn't too much of a shock for me to lose her, however, because I could see she was dying the last few days. I couldn't do anything about it because the vet's office was closed those days and I was moving Dad's shit under a deadline. In fact, while Mufasa was breathing her last few breaths at the vet's office, I was waiting for a fucking retarded dumpster dude to drop off a goddamn dumpster at Dad's house. The dumpster dude was a redneck hick with an I.Q. the size of an ant's dick. He had trouble finding a town that was only two small towns away from his own. Even that is a long story.

I haven't even had the time to show my sister and Dad my cruise pics or give them any souvenirs yet. I spent my birthday moving the last of his shit and putting up with his shit for the last time for, hopefully, a very long time. I need a goddamn break from the emotionally, physically draining events of the past four weeks.

What's that old saying I've seen on bumper stickers before? Oh, oh yeah. It goes something like... WANNA GET EVEN WITH YOUR KIDS?... LIVE LONG ENOUGH TO BE A BURDEN TO THEM

So here's the thing: I wrote part of what I'm talking about a few days ago and I debated on whether to put this light hearted story on the blog or not. I like to put deeply personal shit on the blog once in awhile, as you may well know. It helps gets things off my chest and lightens my spirit or mood. Most of the time. On the other hand, it's like living the shit all over again.

If there is a lesson to be learned here it would be this:

Every goddamn parent out there in the world had better start wising up and having a plan ready so that when you die, sell your house or any other huge event and any other obvious responsibility relating to you, it's taken care of. Put it on paper! See the lawyers! Talk to experts!

Do it all now before something unexpectedly horrible happens to you where you can't focus or keep records. Put old crap in storage now and then and above all... Don't be a goddamn hoarder! Think of all that old worthless shit you've got holed up in a ten room, two story house. And Remember This! Your kids aren't fuckin' boulder holding pack mules with signs on their backs saying "Fuck me emotionally up, please!

Don't make their last memories of you into some kind of mentally diseased slop, you selfish fucking breeders of the world!

Thank you. This has been a public service announcement. This has also been somewhat cathartic. Getting better minute by minute.
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